Life as an Introvert

What is an introvert and what is an extrovert? I'm not going to go into detail on what the difference between introvert and extrovert but basically an introvert is the kind of people who enjoy peace and quite and an extrovert is the kind of people who enjoy partying with other people. Although there are hybrid or they call it ambivert but lets not talk about that.

Living in a world fill with extrovert (50%-75%) is not that easy especially when most extrovert thinks being an introvert is anti-social. And because of this many introvert gave in and change themselves to an extrovert which to me is a very sad thing to happen. I'm not saying that being an extrovert is bad but if everyone only play and enjoy rock music there will be no more jazz music around. We need a world where we have different people with different personality.

Extroverts tend to tell me that we need to socialize and how to live my life as an extrovert. I understand that they are being nice but I just don't know to explain to them that I'm an introvert and that is how an introvert behave so at the end I would just have to pretend that I agree with them so that they can stop pestering me.

The other problem with being an introvert is for an introvert to meet people who are introvert. Now that we have wikipedia, going to the library is a waste of time. Plus we can also download any movies/documentary from the web so most of the time we will be doing everything at home. So I find it very hard to meet with people who share the same interest or someone to share my interest.

Sometimes I just feel that we the introvert need to have a place/activity so that we could meet up to share our ideas, make new friends and possibly meet our soulmate too.

Heartbroken

I realize that an attractive girl is more likely to be heartbroken-ed than a less attractive one. Want to know why? 

An attractive girl will certainly get lots of attention because guys will come to her like bees. The guys can range from nice guy, bad boy, smart guy, nerd, jerk and many more. Surely one of those guys would be able to woo the girl and start a relationship and I'm quite sure most of the relationship won't last. Why would I say that? Because their relationship is based on first looks so most probably when they start to know each other they will realize that their personality doesn't click but they will not just break the relationship like that. They will start and try to tolerate each other by that they are putting more time, love and effort into it. They maybe able to hold the relationship but one day this tolerating relation will snap and so will the relationship. Yes, both party will probably got heart broken but honestly a guy can get back up from a heartbreak easier than a girl because the guy can just find another girl and probably start the cycle again. While the girl will have to be heart broken until another guy come to woo her and also probably start this heartbreaking cycle. A lucky girl maybe only need to be in two or three of this cycle. A tough girl may be able to stand four or five of this cycle. But and not so lucky and not so tough girl will feel like they are in hell.

While a less attractive girl which will certainly get less attention compared with an attractive girl, therefore she will experience less of the heartbreaking relationship cycle. And because guys won't be attracted by her looks, guys will only fall for her after they start to know each other. By that relationship will be more stable and less likely to lead to a breakup. 

All this seems to tell me that being attractive may bring a girl lots of attraction but with that it also bring her suffering. So to all girl who have lots of wooer, think twice before accepting any of them.

Triangular Theory of Love

This is not something from me but it's is something that I want to share. This theory is developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. I found it very true in many way. It's not only about love between soul-mates but it apply also on love between friends and family. The theory explain that different types love is made of different types component. The components consist of Intimacy, Passion, Commitment. The existence of this three component will determine what type of love that the two person is having. The visual below will explain what I mean.

You may notice not all component exist at the same time. The type of love is depending on that component at exist at that time. Different combination of component may also effect on what type of love it is having.

Below is the more elaborate explanation which I got from wikipedia.

Nonlove

- is the absence of all three of Sternberg's components of love.

Liking/friendship

- is not defined in a trivial sense. Rather, Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a person feels a bond, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not passion or long-term commitment.

Infatuated love

- is pure passion. Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

Empty love

- is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form.

Romantic love

- bonds individuals both intimately and passionately, but neither is sustained without commitment.

Companionate love

- is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship but a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.

Fatuous love

- can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.

Consummate love

- is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other. However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p. 341). Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.